Oops, I Did It Again

I'm not very good at the whole online thing. Like, any of it. This blog, my emails, keeping up with friends, etc. I think I barely made it alive in the one online class I ever took. You would think in this day and age the whole online thing would be easy, but for me- I just don't get attached to it the way other people do. On my phone, you've got a whole different story there, but on the actual computer where do more than just browse, I suck.

So it's been six months since I last wrote. But then I go and one day decide to read a bunch of friend's blogs and I realize how great it is to have a journal of your life and how fun it would be one day to go back and read mine. So I will once again attempt to keep doing this.

This year so far has been, well, I feel like it's just been. Most days are average. Some days are fantastic. And some days really suck. It's been a huge growing year for Cody and I as a couple I think. We're really starting to learn who we are as a couple. We've had our trials that were tough but in the end brought us much closer together and really taught us how to communicate with each other. We speak different "love languages," (I know, this sound so lame but really, it's like scripture for relationships. Everyone EVERYONE needs to read The 5 Love Languages with their significant other. Even if you think your relationship is perfect, this will teach you how to be better.) and slowly we are just figuring out how to speak each other's language.

Cody has been working hard in school. He's in law school but now he's also in business school. Sometimes I feel like we have both lost our minds to be able to even think about Cody doing a dual degree. Especially since the first year of law school, especially the first semester was pretty much hell for me. It was so hard to give Cody up for all that time. It was a huge learning experience for me. I like to think I'm doing better. But I know Cody is happy in school and he is enjoying it. Right now he is doing a paid internship for the summer at a law firm that represent HOA's. He really likes it. We also just found out that Cody is in the top 10% of his class and he made law review! Ya, I married an overachiever.

I (as in Heather, since I'm the only one that ever writes these posts..) have just been busy with work. I'm still working as a nurse on the maternity floor. The night shifts still kill me. But I still love what I do, so here I am. My most recent development is apparently I have high blood pressure. I'm only 24 years old and I am a normal weight for my age, I could probably work out more or eat a little healthier but it's not like I need to make major changes there. So who knows whats going on? I've had lots of tests done like blood work, ultrasounds on my heart, and CT scans of my abdomen and pelvis, but so far everything is normal. Other than the fact that my blood pressure is much higher than it should be. So for now I'm taking two blood pressure medications and checking my pressure each time I'm at work and hoping for the best. I just hope I don't have major problems when I want to become pregnant someday.

Cody and I just recently signed up to be dog hosts on DogVayCay.com. Basically, when people go on vacation and don't want to send their dog to a kennel, they pay us to watch their dog in our home instead. We did it with our two dogs when we went to Mexico last week and it was fantastic, and much cheaper than all of the kennels. So we are now hosting ourselves. We got our first doggie to watch today and it's been... interesting. He is a small mini schnauzer/poodle mix and he is TERRIFIED of everything. I don't know why his owners thought he would do well with our two big dogs. But it's okay, he is slowly adjusting. He's attached to my hip all day so I can protect him from the shadows in the corner though. It's a fun way to make a little extra money though.

Cody got a GoPro for his 26th birthday this year. Everyone needs to get one of these! The pictures they take are just incredible! I didn't take my big Nikon to Mexico because I didn't want to have to lug it around nor did I want it stolen so I was pretty set on having pretty generic pictures of our trip, but that GoPro proved me wrong! The pictures it takes are incredible! We definitely will have a lot of fun with this camera considering you can pretty much take it anywhere.

Okay, that's about all I got for a generalized update. Hopefully I can keep up with this thing a little more because I know I will enjoy it someday later on. My life is great. I LOVE my husband so much and I wish I could retire right now and spend every minute with him. Seriously, no sarcasm in that. But instead, I'll keep dreaming and enjoy him the small moments I do get him.

Postpartum Nurse Blues

I am a registered nurse.  It took a lot of time, ridiculous dedication to studying, brutal clinicals, too many tests, one massive test that pretty much took the life out of me (thanks, NCLEX), and constant prayers that I had done enough.  Finally, everything settled into place and I became a working registered nurse.  Sometimes I wonder why I ever made that decision.

Working on a postpartum floor has so many amazing experiences behind it.  I love seeing the faces of brand new parents holding their baby for the first time.  Helping mothers establish breast feeding is such a bonding experience that I get to be a part of that you feel connected to the mom's and the babies.  Teaching a father to change a baby's diaper for the first time never gets old, especially as their little sons take the opportunity to pee on dad as soon as the diaper comes off. Watching parents handle their baby as if they were terrifed that the baby's tiny little arm was going to fall off the moment they touch them always makes me laugh a little inside.  Seeing a baby chomp on a binky that is the size of their entire face doesn't get any cuter.  Helping get that tiny baby into the car seat for the very first time while parents have no idea how to even buckle the baby in, sure that their baby shrunk ten sizes when compared to the huge carseat is always an adventure.  Holding the camera and taking the first pictures of a completed family for the first time, you can feel the love radiating from that happy new family.  And sending a newly created family unit on their way and out into the world for the first time together always feels like sending a part of your own family out into the world.

People say to me all the time, "Oh, I bet you just love your job.  Spending the whole day with new babies, it doesn't get better than that!  What a happy place to work!"  And they are so right.  It is the best job and most the time is such a happy place to be.  But what most people don't realize is, sometimes I have the worst job.  Sometimes I have days that are so bad that it makes me never want to come back.  Days that when you go home, you have to cry all of your emotions out and struggle to get back into your normal life.

Working on a postpartum floor can have so many terrifying experiences behind it.  Walking into a room with a woman who just started bleeding and going into very early preterm labor and realizing with her that the baby she has been carrying for 20 weeks was coming now and was not going to survive will stop your own heart.  Running to a room where the mother called screaming that her baby isn't breathing and walking in to see a baby whose face is completely gray and is getting worse by the second will haunt you forever.  Helping a postpartum mom up to the bathroom after delivery and having her loose so much blood that she passes out on the toilet, requiring three extra nurses to help carry her back to bed all while trying to keep the mother conscious isn't my ideal kind of work day.  Checking to see how much a postpartum mother is bleeding and realizing that she is bleeding more and more as you push out blood clots the size of your arm and realizing she isn't going to stop bleeding until you do something quick will keep you terrified everytime you hear the word "hemorrhage".  Being the person to tell new parents that instead of bringing their baby back from the nursery to feed, their baby was rushed to the ICU because he or she stopped breathing and now requires oxygen in order to breath proficiently makes you feel like the worst person they've met.  And crying with a mother who just spent 12 hours in labor delivering a baby that made it to near full term but for some unsatifyingly unexplainable reason had to delivery a baby that had already passed away will make your heart sob every time you walk past that room for the rest of your career.

It feels as though these harder days have been the definition of my career as a nurse lately.  As a nurse, I'm so much more emotionally involved with my patients than I was as a CNA.  So when the hard times happen for me, it takes even longer to bounce back.  Every situation listed above has happened to me in my short first year as an RN.  Being a nurse makes you an emotional punching bag at times.

Sometimes there are days that you wonder why you ever signed up for this, but in reality, I wouldn't trade my job for the world.  I would go through every experience I've had again and again and be happy with the same outcome, the same decisions, the same career.  Those emotional moments may be hard to handle at times, but being the person there to comfort a total stranger during times of extreme heartbreak makes an instant lifelong friend.  Sometimes I wonder if patients realize how much their nurses think of them and remember them.  I wonder if they know how much they impact my everyday life.  Choosing to be a nurse may have been one of the craziest decisions I ever made, but most definitely, it's been one of the best. 

So next time you're a patient have a nurse that seems a little frazzled, maybe even a little distant or upset, try giving him or her a pass, try to remember that not all days as nurse are peaches and cream.  Being a patient in the hospital can be emotional and hard, but so can days being the nurse in that same hospital.      

Life As Lately

Today is Christmas Day!  So I'm on blogger why you ask?  I'm sitting here at work at 4am while my husband sleeps at home waiting for Santa to come.  Crappy, but it's the life of a nurse.

 

Life at the Jenkins house has been quite busy lately.  Work for me has been crazy, we never slow down.  But I can't complain about it though because it's really fortune to be able to work so much when I'm the only one working for the time being.  Cody has been so busy with school that it's just not possible for him to work right now.  He just finished his very first semester of law school!  He has to put a lot of work into finals and it seems like it just about killed him, but he made it through.  And even more than that, he's decided to apply to the University of Utah's business school also and seek out a joint degree doing business and law together.  So that adds on an extra year of schooling for him but has him finishing with two graduate degrees.  So he will be even more busy than he already is, but I think it's going to be the best thing for him and his job opportunities.

Another thing Cody and I have been very into lately is going to the gym together.  We both got gym passess to the Murray Rec Center and have started trying to go as much as possible.  I can't believe how hard it was at first and how much easier it is already getting.  I miss how in shape I used to be in high school when I was on the drill team.  When I go to the gym I like to start with running, which is getting easier now but was terrible to start out.  After I go into the weight room with Cody.  If you know me, the weight room always has been a scary place for me.  I don't know what to do, can't do very much, and feel completely out of place in every way.  But Cody has been so excited to help me and has been great about getting me started.  Now I can spend most of my gym time in there and look like I may know how to use a few pieces of equipment or weights.  But MAN, I am so sore!! It never ends.  My body is screaming after every single time I go.  But it feels good.  I never should have stopped working out in the first place.  

I've been a nurse for a year come January.  That is so crazy!  Time flies so fast!  I never thought I would be a long time post partum nurse personally, but I can't believe how much I really do love my job.  I still hate the night shifts with a passion, but I love what I do and I love the people I work with.  It's been such a great first year as a nurse.  I've had so many great days and many very scary ones.  But thanks to those very scary days, I feel so confident in my skills and everything I do in my job.  Put me on a med/surg floor, you might have a different story, but post partum and babies- I feel great!  I'm so lucky to have the job I have, I would never give it up for anything else! 

Well, I'll be posting better pictures soon because there is a beautiful new camera sitting under the Christmas tree for me at home right now!  I hope everyone has a great Christmas!