Thursday, January 2, 2014

Postpartum Nurse Blues

I am a registered nurse.  It took a lot of time, ridiculous dedication to studying, brutal clinicals, too many tests, one massive test that pretty much took the life out of me (thanks, NCLEX), and constant prayers that I had done enough.  Finally, everything settled into place and I became a working registered nurse.  Sometimes I wonder why I ever made that decision.

Working on a postpartum floor has so many amazing experiences behind it.  I love seeing the faces of brand new parents holding their baby for the first time.  Helping mothers establish breast feeding is such a bonding experience that I get to be a part of that you feel connected to the mom's and the babies.  Teaching a father to change a baby's diaper for the first time never gets old, especially as their little sons take the opportunity to pee on dad as soon as the diaper comes off. Watching parents handle their baby as if they were terrifed that the baby's tiny little arm was going to fall off the moment they touch them always makes me laugh a little inside.  Seeing a baby chomp on a binky that is the size of their entire face doesn't get any cuter.  Helping get that tiny baby into the car seat for the very first time while parents have no idea how to even buckle the baby in, sure that their baby shrunk ten sizes when compared to the huge carseat is always an adventure.  Holding the camera and taking the first pictures of a completed family for the first time, you can feel the love radiating from that happy new family.  And sending a newly created family unit on their way and out into the world for the first time together always feels like sending a part of your own family out into the world.

People say to me all the time, "Oh, I bet you just love your job.  Spending the whole day with new babies, it doesn't get better than that!  What a happy place to work!"  And they are so right.  It is the best job and most the time is such a happy place to be.  But what most people don't realize is, sometimes I have the worst job.  Sometimes I have days that are so bad that it makes me never want to come back.  Days that when you go home, you have to cry all of your emotions out and struggle to get back into your normal life.

Working on a postpartum floor can have so many terrifying experiences behind it.  Walking into a room with a woman who just started bleeding and going into very early preterm labor and realizing with her that the baby she has been carrying for 20 weeks was coming now and was not going to survive will stop your own heart.  Running to a room where the mother called screaming that her baby isn't breathing and walking in to see a baby whose face is completely gray and is getting worse by the second will haunt you forever.  Helping a postpartum mom up to the bathroom after delivery and having her loose so much blood that she passes out on the toilet, requiring three extra nurses to help carry her back to bed all while trying to keep the mother conscious isn't my ideal kind of work day.  Checking to see how much a postpartum mother is bleeding and realizing that she is bleeding more and more as you push out blood clots the size of your arm and realizing she isn't going to stop bleeding until you do something quick will keep you terrified everytime you hear the word "hemorrhage".  Being the person to tell new parents that instead of bringing their baby back from the nursery to feed, their baby was rushed to the ICU because he or she stopped breathing and now requires oxygen in order to breath proficiently makes you feel like the worst person they've met.  And crying with a mother who just spent 12 hours in labor delivering a baby that made it to near full term but for some unsatifyingly unexplainable reason had to delivery a baby that had already passed away will make your heart sob every time you walk past that room for the rest of your career.

It feels as though these harder days have been the definition of my career as a nurse lately.  As a nurse, I'm so much more emotionally involved with my patients than I was as a CNA.  So when the hard times happen for me, it takes even longer to bounce back.  Every situation listed above has happened to me in my short first year as an RN.  Being a nurse makes you an emotional punching bag at times.

Sometimes there are days that you wonder why you ever signed up for this, but in reality, I wouldn't trade my job for the world.  I would go through every experience I've had again and again and be happy with the same outcome, the same decisions, the same career.  Those emotional moments may be hard to handle at times, but being the person there to comfort a total stranger during times of extreme heartbreak makes an instant lifelong friend.  Sometimes I wonder if patients realize how much their nurses think of them and remember them.  I wonder if they know how much they impact my everyday life.  Choosing to be a nurse may have been one of the craziest decisions I ever made, but most definitely, it's been one of the best. 

So next time you're a patient have a nurse that seems a little frazzled, maybe even a little distant or upset, try giving him or her a pass, try to remember that not all days as nurse are peaches and cream.  Being a patient in the hospital can be emotional and hard, but so can days being the nurse in that same hospital.      

2013 Review

Many blogs I read have done their little review of the year and I really enjoy reading them, so I'm going to give it a shot.  This is 2013 for Cody and I and the things that were most important to us!

JANUARY:
Cody and I had been engaged for 3 months and were full speed ahead in planning our wedding.  Heather moved into the apartment in Preston Hollow Apartments that we were going to live in after we were married.  Heather also graduated as a Registered Nurse and was hired on the Maternity unit at IMC.  Heather took her NCLEX on Jan. 31st and passed her first try!  Cody was going to school at the University of Utah for his bachelors degree in hopes to go on to law school.  He was starting applications for law schools all around the country.

My beautiful wedding ring!

FEBRUARY:
The month before the wedding!  Heather was busy getting used to her new job and planning for the wedding and Cody was still working hard in school.  This is the birthday month for our husky Koda!  She turned two years old.  Cody slowly started moving things into the apartment.


Koda

MARCH:
Cody and Heather got married!  We were married in the Salt Lake Temple on March 7th, 2013 at 9:40 a.m.  We had a lunch at Olive Garden and then a reception at Wheeler Farm that evening.  For our honeymoon we went on a Carribean cruise for seven days and then stayed longer in Puerto Rico afterwards!  We missed our cute vizsla's birthday while we were gone, Apollo turned one year old!  Cody finished moving into the apartment and we got used to married life.




Apollo

APRIL:
This is Heather's birthday month and she turned 23.  We also bought a new king size memory foam bed and cute bedframe!  Apollo likes to sleep on the bed with us and we were not having enough room!  Cody also got rear ended by a Murray cop this month and it pretty much totaled his car so we traded it in and got a 2013 Volkswagon Jetta!  Cody got accepted to law school and the University of Utah and at Arizona State University and we were started to weigh decisions on where he should go.


Our new bed!


The Jetta


Yep, rear ended by a COP.
MAY:
Cody graduated from the University of Utah with his Bachelors Degree in Political Science this month!  After much thought, we decided it was going to be the best thing for us to stay in Utah and Cody accepted his offer to start law school at the University of Utah.  With this decision came the idea of possibly buying a home!  Heather's mother bought a sweet poodle puppy this month.  Heather also got a little wild and died her hair with an ombre style (blonde at the ends). 




Cody's graduation day!


Meet Tootsie!

JUNE:
Cody's birthday month and he turned 25!  We also started an addicting habit of playing a lot of golf! We found a realtor we really like and spent ONE day looking at some houses until we found one we wanted to put on offer in on.  Turns out seven other people wanted the same house and the owner lived out of state and was very difficult to get into contact with.  Our realtors told us to hold tight while they worked hard for us.


Golfing on Cody's birthday with his new putter.

JULY:
We walked the Murray 4th of July parade TWICE.  Once because Heather's dad was a city council member and the second time because Heather's dad was also running for Mayor.  We learned our realtors really did work their magic and our offer on the house was accepted!  We bought our first home in Taylorsville, Utah.  It has four bedrooms and two bathrooms, a garage, a small backyard, a large kitchen, and a beautiful fireplace.  It's much nicer than we ever expected for our first home.  We moved into the home in the middle of July.  A week later, we went to Lake Tahoe for a family reunion with Heather's mother's side of the family for a week, but unfortunately Heather was sick a lot of the trip.  We still had a ton of fun though!


An awesome camel that was in the parade.


A picture of our backyard after the weeds got ripped up and new sod was layed.  Next project, that fence!


On the lake at Tahoe.

AUGUST:
We spent as much time outdoors this month as we could!  We spent a lot of time hiking to dog lake with our dogs! Cody had his first big welcoming to law school at the University of Utah where he took the lawyer's pledge.  He started his first semester of law school this month! Cody needed a computer for school so he adopted my laptop and we bought a new desktop computer!  We also needed more fridge space since our fridge was tiny so we bought a mini fridge that sits well hiding next to our big fridge.


We love Dog Lake!


Taking the pledge to be a good lawyer... or something like that.


New desktop :)


Yes, our drinks are SO healthy...

SEPTEMBER:
We had been married for six months this month!  Cody sent beautiful flowers to Heather's work.  We also went to a Utah football game this month.  The state fair was this month and we had a lot of fun at it!  Cody got a calling as the first couselor in the Young Men's!






One man band at the fair.


We really wanted this hot tub.

OCTOBER:
Heather also got a calling as the first couselor in the Young Women's this month!  We spend time with our kids going to activities and we even did a service project doing yard work on the temple grounds with the young men and women.  Cody had fall break from school this month and since Heather was having a hard time with how busy he had been with school, we took a little weekend vacation to Wolf Creek!


Some of Heather's young women.


After our service project.


Wolf Creek in the beautiful fall time!


Our new shoes we got just to play some serious raquetball in Wolf Creek.

NOVEMBER:
Heather convinced Cody to put the Christmas tree up this month and the house got decked out in Christmas decorations!  We spent Thanksgiving running between both sides of our families and ate way too much food but had a lot of fun seeing everyone!  Cody was working hard at school and was enjoying it.  He decided he wanted to even further his career and decided he wanted to pursue a joint degree and apply to business school at the U also.  He wrote a letter to the Dean of the business school giving an argument of why he shouldn't have to take the GMAT to apply to business school and the Dean accepted his arguement!


Our first Christmas tree!

DECEMBER:
Cody was in crunch time for finals.  He completed his first semester of law school!  He is still waiting for grades to be posted.  We spent a lot of time with family for Christmas and took advantage of Cody's winter break from school by going to they gym together a lot, laying around the house, and watching a ton of Breaking Bad.  Cody is working on applications to business school and is getting ready to start his second semester of law school!




Our first fire in our new house.

2013 could not have been a better year for Cody and I.  My life has changed so drastically since last year and I am very lucky to be living the life I am living now.  I'm so SO grateful for Cody and for the amazing husband he has been and continues to be.  He is by far the best decision I made in all of 2013 and every year before that!  2014 has some huge shoes to fill because 2013 was sure the best year of my life!  I will forever be grateful for this year and look forward to this next year with happiness and excitement for what's to come!

Christmas 2013

*Pictures to come*

Christmas this year was such a wonderful one!  It was our first Christmas as a married couple!  We had so much fun decorating our house, I was itching to get that Christmas tree up as soon as possible, but Cody didn't want it up too soon, so I talked him into allowing it to be put up the week of Thanksgiving. 

Christmas Eve Cody and I went to the gym together in the morning.  It's always a good way to start the day with a little run!  Then that evening we went to my Grandpa Stam's house.  It's been a tradition for so long, but this is only the second year without my Grandma.  She passed away right before Christmas last year.  My poor Grandpa still struggles with it daily and talks about her every time he talks to us.  It makes you wonder if she knew how much her REALLY loved her, his love is so deep for her, it's touching.  We spent the night there eating some good food, watching the great-grandchildren open gifts and my Aunt Renae read some Christmas stories.  Then the adults all play the white elephant gift game where you can steal others gifts.  We pick a letter each year and the gift has to start with that letter.  Last year we decided to spell out my grandma's name over the years which is Muriel.  So this year the letter was U.  The gifts Cody and I took to the game were a University of Utah drawstring bag and and Uncle Si blanket (from Duck Dynasty, our favorite show!).  The gifts we ended up leaving with were a small umbrella and the game Uno.  Let's just say, the game didn't work out in our favor this year.

Next, I unfortunately had to work Christmas from 1am to 7am, so when I got home Christmas morning I had to sleep a little bit.  I woke up around 11am to a happy and excited husband!  We went down and spent the morning opening some gifts and playing with our new items.  Somehow "Santa" even brought a few unexpected gifts for each of us, even though we both told Santa not to let that happen haha!  Our dogs also had a TON of fun ripping wrapping paper off of some yummy smelling dog treats we got them.

My big present this year was I got a new camera (Nikon D3500) and I love it!  Then Cody and I spent $10 at the dollar store on each other and we had so much fun!  He got me a few little games, a lint brush for the dog hair, a cute vinyl quote for the wall, and many more fun little items!  Then after we opened all our gifts, Cody found some more gifts "Santa" left, which was a book light I've been needing for a while, and an amazing electric blanket, which has already been used countless times since Christmas! 

Cody's big present this year was a Bushnell range finder for golf.  His dollar store gifts included some cologne, men's shampoo, leather cleaner for his car, air freshners, hot chocolate and a mug, an eye mask to sleep in, new pens, a tie, and a few other great things.  In Cody's stocking was hiding a little Gamestop giftcard for a new video game.  We also were lucky enough to received some shelving for our garage, a dutch cheese slicer, cute calendars, and tons more candy from our families...

That evening we went to Cody's Grandma and Grandpa Jowers house where we ate some dinner and opened some gifts from them.  We had fun playing with cousins and chasing our neices around the house.  Afterwards we went to Cody's sister Holly's new house to check it out for the first time, and it is beautiful!

We had such a great holiday season, I'm so grateful I have such an amazing family and in-law family.  I couldn't ask for more.  It was a perfect first Christmas being married to Cody and I look forward to many more years to come!